I notice my anxiety rise as I watch the results of our presidential election numbers come in. I sip on my wine. PA shows Hillary far ahead at 10:30 last evening, I breathe easier. Chris not so much. I’m troubled by how close the numbers are in so many other states. But there are always red states. No worries. This can’t be. I’m in denial. I say something stupid to Chris in an effort to comfort, something to the effect “Don’t worry, there’s no way he can win” and I notice Chris give me the “get real” hairy eyeball. Chris and I made a concerted effort to be back in PA by this date for the sole purpose to cast our vote in this historic election. We’ve had countless conversations trying to overcome our befuddlement of how Trump had so much support. How can we in America support a man that has over and over again demonstrated his lack of moral character, his immature tempermaent, his divisive and hate filled language? We don’t get it. We cannot wrap our heads around it. And though we knew that even those that saw Trump as unfit still planned to vote for him for POTUS, I denied it would actually happen. There’s no way. I have more faith in the American people. I want to believe in our integrity. I want to believe in America. I could not and would not accept another result. I went to bed, like an ostrich with it’s head in the sand.
I awoke this morning anxious to see the results and celebrate a Clinton victory with my Mornin’ Joe. I prepare to savor the moment. I brew my coffee. I go to set the timer on my phone when I notice a text from a friend from last night. I’m reluctant to read it. I don’t want to learn the results this way. But I open it. She says she’s on the “edge of her seat”. She reveals nothing. Yes. I’m so tempted to find out. I resist. I do some gentle yoga for about 15 minutes, working out the kink in my troublesome right hip. I feel better, more serene, more relaxed. I circle and sway my loosened hips as I prepare my coffee. I sit down with my steaming cup. I open my IPad and look at the news. This is what Isee. Donald Trump wins the presidency in stunning upset over Clinton. I’m sure it’s a joke. I look at the author to see what satirical journalist wrote this. I’m wondering why this satire would be the first thing to pop up on my news feed. I’m in total denial. But I feel my heart sink and a knowing in my gut. This can’t be. I turn on the tv to the CBS morning news. And there it is. Trump won. I’m in shock. I cry. I text my friend back. I say over and over “oh my God, oh my God, OH MY GOD!”. I’m speechless. I cry some more. I get on social media and see everyone’s stunned response. How did this happen? I learn that Trump won PA. OMG! It sinks in. Trump is president. I learn that the Canadian immigration website crashed. OMG! I see so many people already moving to problem solving, what’s next? What do we do? I see how people are moving to acceptance and to “higher ground”, tapping into their wisdom and goodness innate within all of us. I know I have to sit with this for awhile. I have to write about it. I have to get to the place of acceptance. It’s my daughter’s birthday today. I remove myself from my shock and begin perusing pictures of my precious daughter that I can embarass her with. I find myself smiling as I look through so many beautiful pictures of my family and friends. I’m okay. This moment is now better. It’ll be okay. We will become stronger. Our eyes will be opened. We will see a spiritual revival as we’ve never seen before. We will come to realize the narrow and restrictive interpretation that we have of Christ is not Christian. We will embrace the Cosmic Christ and envelope the world and all of life with love and acceptance.
My husband awakes and walks into the living room and sees the headlines on the tv that Trump has won the presidency. And my heart hurts for him as I watch him come to grips.
2 thoughts on “Denial to Acceptance and Everything In Between”
I remain shocked at the count of Trump supporters’! This will not change who we are no matter. Our faith has carried us through!!! I will continue to give of self when I can. We are concerned about the innocent he will harm or kill in his impulsive, sociopathic behaviors. We will try to have a safety plan in place in hopes to continue to protect from dangerous behaviors until he is impeached or his term is OVER!!!!!!!!
Im hurting..It’s not Trump for me, there will always be “Trumps”..it’s the support of Trump..the support of the things he admittedly stands for that are responsible for todays lump in my throat..It’s having to explain to my daughters how this could happen, when I dont know. Other than hatred being the cause, I dont know..Do I tell them that people hate them and that’s how this happens..no..I lie to them and say “it will be ok”…I tell them their leader is in their mirror and not in the white house..put them on their school bus and weep as I watch pundits try to make sense of how this can happen, outside of hate being the only answer..grasping to hear something else that makes sense..I dont..Then, I read your blog and it gives me a peace beyond understanding..Even if that peace is fleeting, at this moment you’ve given it to me and I dont feel so alone.
Thank You Diane